Coping with Different People

So that we don't make them difficult

 

by: Gregg Gregory, CSP

Have you ever worked with that difficult person, who just drove you and everyone around you crazy?  What characteristics did they possess?  Were they the type who could be set off at any time like a time bomb?  Maybe they just sat there like bumps on a log and never participated.  Did they whine about how much work they have?

 

Have you ever noticed that the person who complains about how busy they are is never as busy as those who do not complain? 

What is a difficult person to you?  Is it the person who yells, screams and curses at you?  Is it someone who is needy?  What about the show off?  The fact is that each of these and others are considered by many to be difficult people.

 

In fact you may have been considered difficult to someone at one time in the past.  I know I have been on more than one occasion.  So let’s break down the most common types of difficult behaviors.  Note I said behaviors and not people. 

The people are not difficult, it is the behavior they demonstrate

that is difficult for us to cope with and work through.

 

Ideally we would like to offer "career redirection" advice (often referred to as firing them) or at the least we want to change their behavior.  The fact is that we cannot change another person.  Regardless how much we try we cannot change others.  

People will change behavior based on two factors alone; a need or an emotion.  Have you ever had someone who is nice enough to you and then all of a sudden became friendlier towards you?  Think back and determine did they have a need at that time?

 

I am often referred to as a “Motivational Speaker” and while my programs are inspirational and   motivational, the fact remains that I cannot motivate anyone who does not want to be motivated themselves.  Now the next fact is that everyone wants to be motivated and many are motivated by different facets.  The ultimate secret is knowing what motivates different people.  The only way to know this is to get to know the person

 

Coping with what we call different people involves a lot of learning on our parts. 

 

The Raging Bull:

This is the most common and they are the ones who steam roll over others in order to get their way.  How do you cope with this type of behavior?

• Allow them time to run out of gas
• Get them to sit and maintain strong eye contact
• Be assertive – not aggressive
• State your position or opinion

 

The Know It All:

There are really two types of know it alls.  First is the fake one; you know the one who acts like they know everything about everything and in realty they know very little.  Cope with this behavior by:

• Asking factual questions
• Stick to the facts
• Once they acquiesce allow them to save face
  

The second type is the real know it all and we have all faced someone like this in the past; especially if you are new to an organization.  There re plenty of those who have been around and are not afraid to let you know how much they do really know.  With this behavior you will need to:

• Be 110% prepared when engaging them in conversation
• Ask open ended questions to engage in conversation
• Recognize their knowledge
• Do not let them intimidate you

 

The Bump on a Log:

This behavior usually appears in those who respond with yes or no answers or with complete silence.  This behavior can sometimes come from someone you least expect it so beware that it can appear at almost anytime from anyone.  Coping with this behavior is best done by:

• Ask open ended questions and wait out the answer
• Keep your composure and wait patiently
• Observe their body language and keep eye contact
• Speak in factual objectives and state what needs to be accomplished

 

The Whiny Complainer:

These people are the ones who like to complain about every little thing that happens.  Many times they are referred to as negative and while the behavior may appear to be negative it does not have to be.  It usually demonstrates low self esteem.  The best way to cope here is to:

• Listen – Listen – Listen
• Acknowledge their opinion and their feelings
• Restate the facts of the conversation
• Empathize – but not too much after all that is what they are looking for
• Quickly move into the problem solving mode

 

The Negomanic:

Like the complainer they gripe and complain incessantly.  The biggest difference here is that they don’t just complain and whine, they also say things like “it won’t work” and “that’s a stupid idea” among others.  Again there are different levels of being a "negomanic".  To cope with most negomanics you need to:

• Remind them of past successes.  Be optimistic and realistic at the same time
• Se sure to talk about both sides of the issue – the positive and the negative
• If they are analytical give enough time for them to digest before requiring an action be taken

 

Hesitating Harry

You know the type – they cannot make a decision and it drives you insane.  They are constantly looking to refine the project and are too afraid to make decisions because of past experiences.  They were probably poorly reprimanded in the past for a decision and now they simply do not make decisions.  Coping with this person’s behavior can be accomplished by:

• Making it easy for them to talk about their thoughts and concerns
• Listening for indirect clues
• Praise and support their decision once it is made
• Point out previous successes moving forward

 

These are the most common types of behaviors yet they are not the only behaviors.  Some people can have an incident occur and this one seemingly insignificant incident (at least to you) causes this person to become a totally different person.  That is why we must recognize the current behavior tendencies in people and act accordingly.

 

 

What would you do?

 

You are driving a block away from your home and you see a person running up the sidewalk waving their arms and they yell “STOP!”  You put down your window and the person says; “My neighbor behind me is down!”  The person talking is almost in a panic state of mind.  What would you do?

 

My wife and I had just left our home on Memorial Day and were headed for our local diner, to grab a salad for dinner, when we saw a woman doing exactly this.  I stopped my car, then turned the car around and the woman got in my car, the car of a total stranger.  We drove back around the block towards our home and there in the back yard-- just seven houses from ours, was the neighbor, Peggy, lying on the ground. 

 

We quickly called 911 and I rolled our neighbor onto her back, and did not get any pulse and could not see any breathing.  My wife gave the 911 operator the address and then held the cell phone to my ear. 

 

Keep in mind I have not had CPR training in almost 30 years and even when I had the training I had never performed CPR for real.  The 911 operator gave me specific instructions which I followed intently.  Several minutes passed and the rescue squad arrived and took over.

 

By this time, several other neighbors had come to see what had happened.  The paramedics were able to get a “rhythmic pulse” and transported Peggy to the hospital.  Another neighbor located Peggy's husband, and drove him to the hospital, and stayed with him for almost 5 hours. 

 

Once again the community spirit arises.  I am not sharing this with you to boast in any way.  I just was glad I could help.  Since that evening I have begun to think about things and wondered how many people could give CPR if necessary? 

 

My Dad turned 90 on May 29th and if he and I were out to dinner could I do this again?  If he were at his senior center could someone there perform CPR to save him?  Even if someone has the training could they in fact perform in a time of need?

 

Sometimes we rely on perfect strangers to be a part of our teams.  Just like the woman who saw Peggy lying on the ground from her deck, and flagged us down and got into the car with strangers. 

 

The 911 operator joined the team when he worked with me and walked me through the process and kept me steady until the paramedics arrived.

 

Our faith is still there for most of us and I hope you take the time out over the next several weeks to locate and take a CPR course. 

The life you save could be the parent or child of someone you know.

 

Gregg Gregory is an award-winning speaker, sales trainer, and executive coach who delights audiences, electrifies managers and leaders, and transforms teams. Gregg Gregory is the recipient of the coveted CSP designation from the National Speakers Association, in recognition of his accomplishments in speaking and training.

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